I hate summer. Mostly because there’s usually nothing busy going on. Well not entirely. I am in college so I am taking some classes. But let’s be real, classes in the summer are jokes because teachers are tired of 2-3 hour lectures every single day and therefore keep postponing and cancelling exams.
All of you college kids will agree with me that when it comes to school, summer is not that bad. However, for some reason, summers are when I have most of my mental breakdowns. These past few days I have found myself being utterly depressed. I couldn’t sleep at night and wouldn’t want to wake up in the morning. I cry internally but have no reason why. I typically don’t like to watch movies but I found myself watching 4 movies in a row last night because I was so depressed. The same thing happened to me in the summer last year. I was so depressed that I cross stitched for three months straight. At these kinds of moments, my favorite singers are Sia, Adam Lambert, and Evanescence; so yeah I am THAT depressed. The worst part is.. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I AM DEPRESSED.
Then I started to question why I don’t get that much depressed when it’s not summer. This is when I formulated my hypothesis. How to not be Depressed: DO SOMETHING THAT’LL STOP YOU FROM SLEEPING.
When I think about it, I don’t get depressed on normal school semesters because I have to wake up at 7AM everyday, take like 18 credit hours all at once, be active in several student organizations, and work two jobs. This leaves me literally no time to be depressed. Well sure, I don’t get enough time to sleep, but I don’t get enough time to feel sad/depressed/useless either – and somehow I think it’s worth it.
Since I am currently only taking online classes and work at only one job, I basically can sleep however long I want. When I don’t sleep, I draw, write, and just lay down scrolling through social media. Unfortunately, this leaves my brain a lot of time to evaluate how lame I am in life. While doing nothing, I see my friends succeed here and there through Facebook and Instagram. Because I really don’t have anything to do, I would unconsciously spend time comparing myself to others and losing faith in whatever I am doing. This is also when I replay all those embarrassing and socially awkward moments I had 4 years ago. Yup, this is also when I think about how much I hate people and how much I hate myself. Viola, you get depression. On normal, busy school days, I won’t give a damn about anything because I would have like 10 essays due in two days.
Solution? I think the solution to this is just to keep yourself busy, do fun things, share them to people you love, laugh about them, get tired because of them, and then sleep tight at night. Wake up in the morning and repeat. I think getting the right amount of responsibility from somebody else is good to keep humans busy and away from dark thoughts. To be honest, the only reason why I haven’t killed myself is because I have my parents and two siblings who are counting on me. Also, I think that there are also some benefits in doing difficult projects with challenging deadlines. They don’t only increase knowledge, intelligence, and skill, but they would also make you forget that you are in fact depressed.
I guess what I’m trying to say is: don’t let leave your brain vacant because if it is, anxiety and depression will take over.
Thoughts on my hypothesis?