fear and anxiety · inspiration · personal experiences

My (and probably everyone else’s) Biggest Fear.

So you know the feeling when you really just want to graduate college as fast as possible? Yeah, everybody has that feeling once in a while. I’ve had that feeling ever since I stepped foot in my university building. But now, two years down the road, I somehow don’t want to graduate because I am scared.

I am a straight-A student, flawless when it comes to homeworks, exams, and projects. You and I know for sure that these are not the most important things in life. Getting A’s is easy, but grades don’t define your future. Not even close.

I am in the process of creating my own business.. yeah, real life business. It’s scary. I keep finding myself procrastinating and making excuses. Most of the time, I keep thinking that I am not good enough. I’ve bought many many books and many online courses in order to start my adventure, but I feel like it’s still not enough. I still feel like I am not competent enough.

After a long day of working on my business, I get on my schoolwork. For some reason, I get a huge sigh of relief… because I finally get to some work where “the goal” is defined, namely to get an A, and I would achieve it if I study hard enough.

Here’s why we are all scared of real life: we don’t know what we need to do next and we can’t predict the outcome of our decision.

Think about it. Why do we like playing soccer? Because if we score more than the enemy, we win. Why does going to college feel safe? Because if we just study all of the materials your teacher tells us to, we’ll definitely get an A. Why do we put all our money in a savings account? Because if we put it there for a long time, we’ll definitely get interest and will never lose money.

Life is a villain. We won’t know if college would really help us succeed. We won’t know if we would end up liking a job. We won’t know if we’ve tried everything we could for this non-academic project. Even after great calculations, we won’t know if investing in stocks would be the best option.

Ah, risks. It’s scary. But we all gotta do it. Even though we might now know what the outcome would be like.

In life, we don’t really know if what we are going is “right” or not. At school, we sort of know when we are on the right track. If we get all A’s, we’re basically on the right track. On graduation, we know we’ve FINISHED college and that we are correctly following the plan. But in life, we won’t know. Plans change and people change. We don’t know if we should take Job A or Job B. We won’t know whether or not what we are planning out so hard for would ACTUALLY work. We won’t know when we’ve finished doing what we’re doing. For example, have I already made enough money to support my family? You won’t know because needs will change. At school, you just need to aim for the A; it is specifically defined and there’s a ceiling.


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