fear and anxiety · inspiration · personal experiences · taking risks

Why I didn’t go to art school.

When I got to high school, I had many interests: physics, biology, art, music, mathematics, writing, business, finance, and entrepreneurship. However, the biggest one was art, mainly because I had cultivated that interest ever since 4th grade. With my many interests, it was difficult choosing a major for college. I was encouraged to major in art/animation, but I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want to go to art school because:
1) I hate people “grading” art, because art is too subjective
2) Won’t get a stable job in the future
3) I had other interests that I was more potential at
.
.
.

Those are the three reasons why I didn’t go to art school. But there is one more that I have never EVER admitted to anybody; one that was detrimental and made the decision:

4) I was afraid I wasn’t good enough.

WHY did I feel this way?

I started drawing again just a few days ago and for some reason I felt sad. I felt sad because I am not as good as my other friends who draw. This was the same feeling that hindered me from pursuing art/animation. I have always lived with the mentality that I should be 2-3 times better than everyone else. If I was better by a little, that was not enough for me. WHY? Even though I am conscious of this, I keep thinking this way. I don’t get it.

I’m having a mid-life crisis. I am having it around 5 years before I’m supposed to. I have been thinking of going to art school for a year, taking a break from my engineering degree. But now the feeling of “not good enough” is still there. Why?

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