I have someone in my life who seems to just hate everything that I do. No matter how good I get, that person will find a way to say that what I am doing is wrong and that I am not a good example. This went on ever since I was 9-years-old up to the point where I get chronic anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I wish I wouldn’t get any of these, but it feels as though that person is watching my every damn moves.. and every step I take is a mistake and that I will never be good enough.
Sometimes the comments are true of me, but sometimes they’re not. I don’t know why but my mind doesn’t seem to be able to distinguish between the two. Even the smallest comment that won’t affect anyone personally.. I would take them personally. But I DON’T KNOW WHY! It doesn’t make sense! I made a conscious decision to forget the comments but for some reason it just keeps coming back. I am probably just very angry. And I’m internalizing the anger. So not only am I angry at that person, but I am also angry at myself.
Now I feel depressed. I don’t have any motivation to do any single thing. Not even to watch a cartoon. This happens every single time a bad comment is directed towards me. I feel like shit. But I know I don’t need to feel like shit! My head hurts and all what I feel like doing is just to fall asleep forever. This is a really stupid time in my life because I’m at the point where I’m graduating and I can’t seem to get a job in this country.. which means I probably will go home as a failure… that’s going to be a great bait for more negative comments. haha.