So I’m going through week 9. The first week of the third month. Including this week, only 16 more weeks to go. Hey I’ve survived 8 weeks right? So I just need to do it twice more and that’s all.
First of all, I am tired. One is because I just took an anxiety pill so I feel so sleepy. Oddly enough though last night I couldn’t sleep even after the anxiety pill. It’s pretty annoying. Second of all, I feel like I’m working at a lot of things. Although I think I am taking it better. What I mean is, I used to completely hate everything there has to do with work because it is STRICTLY work. But now I feel like I am kind of okay blending it with my life. Because I know now that even if it ‘blends’ into my life, it does not define who I am.. I now do not get anxiety whenever I open GitHub. Whew.. the word ‘GitHub’ kind of triggers a bit of anxiety in me but overall I am okay. I’m okay with ‘mixing’ my life into my work.. because again.. my work does not define who I am. Even though after work, literally all I can do is eat and sleep because of anxiety and fatigue.. but it’s getting better. The anxiety is dying down, even just by a little bit.
But do I feel overworked? Sort of. Well depends on who I am comparing myself to. Comparing to my boss, my bosses work way harder than me. He comes the earliest and leaves the latest. So compared to him, my job is easy. But if I compare myself to my co-worker..
Well let me tell you about him. He is as new as I am to the company. He is from Mumbai, India. And that’s an important point because.. well not trying to be racist but, a lot of Indians are talkers but not doers. Which is not that bad because he comes up with great ideas. But he just never executes it. And he never does execute anything. He makes me do it. And that’s what annoys me. Also, he isn’t technical at all. His job is to basically look at the UI and find mistakes. Which is much easier than my job.. Well I guess it’s pretty hard for him at the moment because it requires him to understand the system well. BUT STILL I AM ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN. Also he likes to talk about the things that don’t have anything to do with what we’re doing. Because he is an EGOISTICAL BASTARD. I don’t know maybe I don’t understand how overconfident people think because I am just like.. super insecure about myself 😦
Basically I am working twice as hard to also understand his issues to help him out. Because even though he says he has 12 years of experience, he doesn’t know what the fuck the command line is. Also, he is mostly overconfident in things. But then he doesn’t actually know much. He talks, doesn’t do. I am the complete opposite.. talking is my very weakest point. But I’d say I do things well, and in the best way that I can.
I come much earlier than he does and leaves roughly at the same time, if not later than him. Which kinda frustrates me because I do that so that I can help him do his work. Also I am definitely being paid less than him. Mostly because I’m a contractor, so that’s kinda my own fault. BUT STILL. He is a tester, and basically because he isn’t very quick in technology, I help him in testing as well. So I am co-tester as you can say.
On the plus side, I am so glad that I can help him out in things. But at the same time I wish that I could be left alone, and have the office to myself, y’know? Maybe that’s why I like Fridays a lot because my PM works from home and my other boss (tech lead) works at different times, and the tester sometimes works from home. So Fridays are the absolute best and I get everything done then.
Most of the time I just want to be left alone.. Talking to people just makes me tired. Especially talking to people ON THE PHONE. That is one thing I don’t completely like about this company tbh.. 20 people in a team. All but 2 are scattered across the globe and does not work in the same building as I.. It’s exhausting.