Moments when I'm slightly less depressed · random thoughts

Quitting, being less depressed, and Welcome to NHK

I’ve decided to quit in September.. and let them know early September so I could get out of here by September 16th.

Today is July 4th (well technically it’s still the 3rd in my brain because I haven’t slept yet but) so it’s 74 more days, or 10 weeks 4 days. I am excited. As of now it’s the 12th week. So it’s as if I’m doing it once more. And yes, I can handle it. I know I can.

I’ve been pretty excited about life these days. Mostly because I am able to be more involved in art again, and I’m so excited about that. I’ve not been oversleeping because of depression anymore. And I’ve been staying up a bit late because I’m excited. Well, also because I don’t want to see tomorrow because tomorrow is the last holiday and I am scared. But regardless, not because of depression per se. I’m making great progress!

Although, I was watching this anime today called Welcome to NHK and it’s pretty sad. Had several scenes of suicide, and sayings that life is literally 90% suffering, and saying that life doesn’t have meaning. I mean the anime didn’t end up with a revelation like ‘Oh wow life does have meaning so I’m gonna live life to the fullest’ or some other bullshit like that. Objectively, life really doesn’t have a meaning. But to bare with that, you generally have to find a way to help others. And endure life as best as you can. So that in one day, you will be able to help somebody in need.

I admit, I am a loser. I clearly do not do anything right. I do everything wrong. Even if I do something right, it would always go better. I disappoint everyone, everyone looks down on me, everyone wishes I do something better with my life. But you know what, that’s ok. Because that is what is expected of life. Life is 90% suffering. But strive for the 10%.

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