random thoughts

Week 16 Thursday – Guilt. Hating myself.

So I actually have not posted anything in a while.. actually things haven’t been too anxiety-inducing lately. Things are pretty boring to be honest and I kinda hate myself. Because I feel fucking useless and I clearly have no fucking clue what I am doing. In fact, I am so close to ending this contract. Mind you, the decision needs to be made early September. And it is now early August. So literally in 4 weeks time shit needs to go down.. And when I say that I mean something like I need to tell em I cannot work there naymore but then I feel like super duper guilty because like I am beginning to be involved in several things that I need to pay attention to but then again they technically don’t need me. I mean think about it, right now i am not even fucking doing anything important and i just feel bad that if one day i need to leave and all. i fucking feel like a fucking shit. I mean this all started because I am fucking lying like a fucking idiot, so what do you expect. Keep continuing by fucking lying again. That’s the price of shit, now is it. Sigh.

i just really hate the fact that i am working in this thing that i hate. I just cannot stand myself.

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