fear and anxiety · inspiration · personal experiences · taking risks

Why I didn’t go to art school.

When I got to high school, I had many interests: physics, biology, art, music, mathematics, writing, business, finance, and entrepreneurship. However, the biggest one was art, mainly because I had cultivated that interest ever since 4th grade. With my many interests, it was difficult choosing a major for college. I was encouraged to major in art/animation, but I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want to go to art school because:
1) I hate people “grading” art, because art is too subjective
2) Won’t get a stable job in the future
3) I had other interests that I was more potential at
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Those are the three reasons why I didn’t go to art school. But there is one more that I have never EVER admitted to anybody; one that was detrimental and made the decision:

4) I was afraid I wasn’t good enough.

WHY did I feel this way?

I started drawing again just a few days ago and for some reason I felt sad. I felt sad because I am not as good as my other friends who draw. This was the same feeling that hindered me from pursuing art/animation. I have always lived with the mentality that I should be 2-3 times better than everyone else. If I was better by a little, that was not enough for me. WHY? Even though I am conscious of this, I keep thinking this way. I don’t get it.

I’m having a mid-life crisis. I am having it around 5 years before I’m supposed to. I have been thinking of going to art school for a year, taking a break from my engineering degree. But now the feeling of “not good enough” is still there. Why?

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inspiration · personal experiences · taking risks

Why It’s Important to Stop Playing Video Games

A friend of mine just recently graduated with a college degree. You see, that friend is a hardcore gamer and anime lover. Nicest person ever. I feel sorry though because I can tell that my friend doesn’t really have a passion; and therefore, don’t know what to do with the college degree.

First, let me tell you that I don’t really believe in destiny. I don’t believe that a college degree defines who you will be in life. I think it is OKAY to not know what to do with life. However, the problem is that my friend REALLY didn’t like to do anything but playing video games. This is a major problem.

I think it’s really important to find a passion, specifically one that people would pay you to do it. Life IS scary and there are a lot of times when you really don’t know what you want to do with life. But that doesn’t mean you should literally do nothing, give up, and leave everything to chance. Playing video games is totally awesome and it makes you feel great once you complete them; but unless people would pay you to play video games, you better stop and find something you really like to do.

For example, if you like video games so much, try learning 3D animation, game design, or character design. If you are not that artsy, maybe you can go to coding and computer science. If you don’t like that either, keep looking and don’t give up. Everyone has at least a passion locked deep inside, but only those who keep looking would achieve them.

Trust me, you do NOT want to grow up only knowing how to play video games. So once in a while, put down that game console and think about who you really are.

inspiration · personal experiences · taking risks

The Story of a Perfect Person

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I have a friend. She wakes up at 5 in the morning and drinks coffee while reading some theoretical magazines that most people will never want to touch. She goes to class and works until she goes home unbelievably late at 3am. She sleeps and repeats the cycle everyday.

Let me tell you about her:

She is a wonderful, hard-working, outgoing, and poised woman. She never makes any mistakes. Her voice is monotone and she could solve any problem in the blink of an eye. A 4.0 GPA. Has many great friends and acquaintances. Many talents. Has won numerous awards. Everything goes well for her despite all the odds. She has great luck. She has no fears or insecurities. She faces everything with a straight face and with bravery. She’s met all expectations. Ultimately, she is the closest thing to “perfection” that I have ever seen. I would understand if a lot of people envy her.

I could go on and write a book about how perfect this friend of mine is. But then it dawned on me… She’s not human. 

I’ve been friends with her for a few years. But when I talk to her, she never smiles or looks at me in the eye. When I tell her about something I thought was pretty shocking, she only replies: “cool.” She beats herself up real hard if she made a mistake, but she never apologises to anyone. She gossips about others who are doing better than she is. She gets angry and yells if I do something incorrect. Last but not least, even though I’ve known her for quite a while, I still don’t know what she’s insecure about. I don’t know her weakness or anything that makes her tick or concerned. I can’t make any emotional connections with her because there’s nothing in this world that makes her feel anything. I can’t find any imperfections in her because she’s so perfect in absolutely everything she does. I can’t comprehend her perfection.

I am not sure if this is because she barely sleeps at night or if this is her personality in general. But I know that she should really be working on being human and notice that other people are human as well. Perfection is not everything and don’t expect anyone else to be perfect.

Check out these quotes:

“God knows I’m not perfect, either. I’ve made tons of stupid mistakes, and later I regretted them. And I’ve done it over and over again, thousands of times; a cycle of hollow joy and vicious self-hatred. But even so, every time I learned something about myself”

― Misato Katsuragi

And my personal favorite:

“To banish imperfection is to destroy expression, to check exertion, to paralyse vitality.”

― John Ruskin

I relate to these quotes a lot because I draw. When I was a little kid, I copied an image of spongebob and I would make EVERYTHING, including spongebob’s texture to look exactly like the image. Every line, shading, and color were exactly the same because I really wanted to impress other people. But then someone told me something that changed my life: “You don’t have to follow the image exactly, you know. Do things on your own, be creative, and see where it will lead you.” So that’s what I did, and I never looked back. When I draw or create music, I will do my own things without restrictions or expectations. I have learned how to embrace my own imperfections in art – sort of adding “my personal touch” to each of them. If you want a perfect drawing of something, just use tracing paper and see how much “creativity and expression” you get to do! I realised that if you want perfection, just let the computer do it; the computer will be happy to make copies of the same thing over and over again.

So, for goodness sake, don’t forget to be human! Remember that everyone else is human and it only make sense to befriend a human, not a robot. When you realise you’re human, you will get rid of the expectations of doing EVERYTHING right. Do something crazy, funny, and embrace who you are. If you made a mistake, admit it, accept it, and move on. There’s no need to beat yourself up with imperfections. We all have them. It’s just that some people are so caught up on being perfect that they never show it, making them SEEM perfect. But don’t be overwhelmed by that.

So go on out there and be yourself. Make your friends laugh and tell them about your stories. Treat them as humans because you are too. Don’t ever forget that.